


A Changed Man

by mickeym



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Modification, Castration, Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-28
Updated: 2009-08-28
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:06:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeym/pseuds/mickeym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He just wishes he knew who he is now.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Changed Man

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the blindfold_spn meme, I started writing it more out of a sense of "hmm, can I?"…and then kind of got caught up in the characters and their stories. I'm fairly certain it's not going to appeal to very many – I can say honestly this isn't really my kink – but I'm pleased with how it turned out, and if y'all decide to read, I hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> See notes at the end for the original prompt.

"You aren't serious." Chris stares at Jensen like he's expecting Jensen to crack a smile, laugh, and say, "just joking!"

Jensen's never been more serious about anything in his life.

"If I don't--" He swallows, thinking of his brother, dead in combat. One sister, mind snapped from all she witnessed, forever hidden from the world in a convent where the sisters care for her. His parents, dead in their bed from a late-night attack. Only a small sister, and an even smaller brother left. "I don't have a choice, Chris," he says finally. "If I want anything like peace for you, for the young ones, for the rest of the commonwealth…."

"But to give yourself over, just like that? Walk into his great hall and just. Just." Chris chokes on the rest of the words, and Jensen wishes he could offer some kind of comfort to his advisor. His friend.

"It's for the best," he says softly. "The Emperor Jared has long expressed…an interest. I'll be welcome."

"Jensen--"

"Not another word," Jensen tells him. "I'm leaving in the morning; have the keep's occupants informed. Take care of my sister and brother. Be sure they--" He can't go on. Chris claps a hand to Jensen's shoulder and nods. 

"I will, Jensen. I swear I will."

He turns away then, so Chris doesn't see the fear in his eyes. So he doesn't see Chris's tears.

~~~~~

He kneels on the hard marble floor, determined not to give in to the fear rippling through him.

"We're pleased you've come of your own accord," the Emperor is saying, his voice low-pitched, almost soothing, much as Jensen might speak to a skittish horse. "We understand you wish to petition us?"

Of his own accord. As related to the slaughter of nearly every member of his family. Jensen swallows and nods. "I do, my Lord."

"Then we will hear your petition." Emperor Jared leans back in his chair, eyes fixed on Jensen. It's unnerving, those hazel cats-eyes staring, watching, devouring him. The Emperor waves his hand, long fingers tanned and strong-looking, white teeth flashing when he smiles. "Proceed."

"My Lord Emperor Jared, I wish…wish to offer you tribute, and to ask for peace for my people in exchange."

Emperor Jared leans forward, all traces of a smile gone. "And this tribute?"

Jensen closes his eyes briefly, praying for strength, then opens them and chances a look at Jared. "The tribute…is myself."

A ripple of sound moves through the assorted courtiers and servants assembled in the hall, a quiet hush of surprise and shock. 

"Come closer, Ackles." Emperor Jared beckons Jensen closer, closer, until Jensen is kneeling right in front of the throne chair, so close he can smell the spicy, musky scent rising from the Emperor's skin; so close he can see the dilation of the Emperor's pupils, dark center taking over, leaving only a thin ring of color. "Do you mean to offer yourself to me? To join my harem, for my pleasure?"

Jensen nods, shame burning low and hot in his belly. 

"Say the words, then. I need to hear them."

Jensen trembles, face flushed with embarrassment. "I--I offer myself. For your pleasure. My Lord."

Emperor Jared leans forward, so close all Jensen can focus on is his mouth, wide and full, until a big warm hand cups his face. "No man remains whole that comes into my harem." Jared brushes his mouth lightly over Jensen's, the words barely more than breath whispering over Jensen's skin. "Do you agree to this?"

Jensen shudders at the words, but it's nothing less than he expected. Emperor Jared has a huge harem, men and women both, and anyone in the kingdom and across the lands affiliated with it have heard the whispers and rumors. He swallows roughly, the knot in his stomach tight and hot, and nods again. "I…do."

Emperor Jared nods and closes the tiny distance remaining between them. "Give me your mouth," he whispers harshly. "I would have a taste of you, to seal this bargain between us."

He doesn't want to. Doesn't want to kiss this man, doesn't want to belong to him, doesn't want to lie with him. Doesn't want to become less than he is. But he will. He'll do all of it. Jensen opens his mouth to Jared's kiss and hears the tiny moan in the back of his throat when Jared licks around and over his tongue. When those strong hands cup his face and hold him for the thrusts of Jared's tongue; thrusts that turn to gentle teases, warmth spreading through him, pooling in his belly and then lower.

"Mine," Jared says, pulling back. Jensen feels dizzy; sees it reflected in Jared's eyes. "You belong to me, now. All of you." Jared strokes downward to cup Jensen between his legs, rolling his balls gently through Jensen's trousers. "My Jensen." He squeezes lightly, smiling when Jensen shivers. "Body slaves will take you to be cleansed and prepared. You'll be fed and cared for, and I will see you soon."

"Emperor--" Jensen stops himself before he can ask. He doesn't need to, he knows the answer. He's as much a slave now as the eunuchs approaching him. He bows his head. "Thank you. Sire."

~~~~~

He's led into the palace, and down long hallways to the seraglio while the eunuchs tell him about it; how it's divided into women's quarters, family quarters, and men's quarters.

"You won't have reason to go into the women's quarters," one says to him. "It's a punishable offense to be there without express permission of the Emperor."

Jensen nods so they know he's listening, and they continue talking as he's guided back into the men's quarters. He's fed a light meal, and taken to a small room he's told will be his. It seems comfortable enough, though it's nothing like his room back at home.

_Home._

He won't ever see home again; won't see his brother and sister grow up. Chris will watch over them; he's as much family to them as Jensen himself, but Jensen's heart aches with what he's given up. What he still has to give up.

The baths are a thing of beauty, with a large, shallow pool filled with warmed water, and two smaller, deeper pools full of swirling bubbles and hot, hot water. There's a small, walled chamber where water pours down like a rain shower; this water is cooler, barely tepid. Jensen's led into the dressing area and stripped of his clothes, in spite of his protests that he can undress himself. It's embarrassing, and the embarrassment increases when the body slaves herd him into the shower stall and scrub him down.

Jensen's bathed, next, in the shallow, warm pool. The body slaves -- Josef and Emayo -- wash his hair and body, then haul him out of the pool and onto a low bench to massage a thick cream into his skin. It smells like lemons, sharp and tangy, and feels cool against his heated skin. It's only when Emayo reaches between his legs that Jensen balks, cheeks heating again with shame. He's partially hard, has been since the slaves started touching him, and it's too much to have this happening, have someone touching him so intimately.

Emayo shakes his head and gives Jensen a small smile. "You need to relax. The cream will get rid of body hair, but it needs to go everywhere." He reaches out again, cupping Jensen's balls, rubbing against his cock. "Turn over, and raise up a bit."

The finger sliding between his cheeks shouldn't surprise him, but it does. So does the finger that slides over his hole, rubbing the cool, thick cream all around it. Arousal throbs through him suddenly, hot and raw, and Jensen quivers when the finger presses gently. "Are you a virgin?"

Jensen swallows. "N-no." He pales, looking between the two body slaves. "Am I--I mean, I didn't--does it matter?" 

The finger presses harder, breaching him, and Jensen flinches, trying to draw away. "Are you a virgin here?"

"No." His face feels so hot Jensen's surprised it hasn't burst into flame. He wonders if it's possible to die of embarrassment.

"Then you'll be prepared for our Lord appropriately." Emayo -- or maybe it's Josef, Jensen isn't sure -- slides his finger in a little deeper, then deeper still until he's pressing and rubbing against that spot deep inside that can make a man see stars if it's manipulated properly. A second finger joins the first, twisting and probing, and Jensen's gone from half hard to fully erect. "Does this feel good?"

"Y-yes," he stutters, groaning when that spot is touched over and over. Gentle touches, then harder, rubbing and massaging. Another hand joins, massaging the smooth skin behind Jensen's balls. He groans again, aroused and ashamed, and feels the heat throbbing through him. His hips pump forward and backward until Jensen finds his release, thick spatters of sticky fluid falling onto the bench beneath him.

"You're wonderfully responsive," Josef tells Jensen, hands stroking over his back, his belly, touching him everywhere. "Our Lord will be most pleased."

"Good," Jensen manages, weakly. "Great." 

He's left to rest there for a few minutes, and then the body slaves urge him back in to the shallow pool to rinse the cream -- and his body hair -- away. Then it's into the smaller pool with the hot water that makes Jensen feel relaxed all over.

Jensen dozes for a little while, waking suddenly when his arms are grabbed as he's pulled upright and out of the pool. He doesn't know these men, doesn't recognize them.

"Where are the other two? Where are you taking me? What's going on?"

His questions aren't answered, and fear curls through him, cold fingers stroking along his skin. "Please tell me--"

They turn down a hallway and then into a smaller chamber, blazing with light. There's a low table in the center of the room, slotted, with basins underneath. As Jensen's guided to the table and pushed down onto it another man swings two shelves out. Jensen's stomach is cramping now, waves of nausea rising. 

"Please--" 

But he's pushed into a prone position and his arms are strapped down. His legs are spread, and though he doesn't mean to struggle, he can't help it. 

"I--I can't do this. I don't want to--I made a mistake--"

"Shhh." Warm fingers smooth over Jensen's forehead, and he twists his head to see Jared standing there, eyes focused, intent. "It's going to be all right, Jensen. You'll be fine." He crouches down beside Jensen as the men move around the table, securing Jensen's legs and mixing something into a drinking cup. "I love that you're doing this for me," Jared continues, fingers stroking soothingly. "You'll be perfect when they're done, and you'll belong to me. Only me, right?"

Jensen nods; he's not sure he can manage words at this point. If he opens his mouth, he'll vomit, he's sure of it. 

"Here, m'boy," the oldest of the three men in the room brings the cup to his lips. "Drink, it'll help put you above the pain."

It's bitter and leaves an awful taste on his tongue, but as soon as Jensen's swallowed it down he can feel it spreading calm through him. Jared smiles down at him, still stroking his hair, his face, and Jensen returns the smile, feeling fuzzy and warm and utterly disconnected from his body.

"I want rings, too," Jared says quietly, and touches Jensen's nipples. "Both nipples," he pinches lightly and Jensen feels that surge of arousal again, "one at the end of his cock, and one down low behind."

"Yes, my Lord," comes the equally quiet response, along with the soft sounds of things being taken out and moved around. "Gold, or silver?"

"Gold, I think." Jared presses a kiss to Jensen's mouth, and Jensen whimpers when he pulls back. "To compliment his hair and his eyes." He gives Jensen another kiss. "It's going to hurt when they cut you, Jensen. I understand it hurts badly enough to make some men insensate from the pain. But you're doing this because you want to, aren't you? You want to belong to me, you want to be free to be mine."

Jensen whispers yes, and whines low in his throat when cool fingers lift his cock, and touch his balls. He's doing this for Jared. He's doing this so he will belong to Jared. He's doing this for Jared--

The cool fingers are replaced by something sharp and cold, metal touching his skin. Jensen closes his eyes and clenches his fists and tries not to shake. He's doing this for Jared. For his brother and sister. For a better life for everyone. He came here willingly. He's--

Pain shocks through him, bright and electric, buzzing straight up his nerve endings and back down again, and Jensen gives himself over to it, sinking down into the blackness waiting for him. He hears Jared saying something, but can't pick out the words; can't pick anything out of the darkness but the white-hot streaks of pain, and then he can't even pick those out any more.

~~~~~

They keep Jensen drugged for several days while his body begins to heal. He's not sure what hurts more, since everywhere aches any time he moves. The pain between his legs is a constant, dull throb that kicks up into a higher throb in between doses of the opium they feed him.

Every day Josef and Emayo massage him, bathe him, clean and change his bandages. His nipples are teased into tight, aching points by tiny brushes with soft bristles that are stroked over the small nubs. Each nipple now boasts a small, gold ring that will be connected with a delicate, matching chain once they're fully healed. 

The Emperor -- Jared -- comes by several times, bringing kisses and bearing gifts. He brings a full-length mirror -- something Jensen has never seen before, and cannot even imagine the cost -- and whispers to Jensen how pretty he is. How much he wants Jensen.

Jensen looks forward to the kisses, the gentle touches. Jared's hands are huge, but he's tender in a way Jensen's never known before. It makes something ache deep inside Jensen, which triggers a deep, painful shame for wanting those kisses and touches. For wanting more.

He takes his bandages off himself one night, after Jared's been to visit and spent the time caressing Jensen, tugging on the rings threaded through his nipples. Jensen feels the ache of arousal, and it's mixed with the throb of pain from his still-healing cock, and the phantom ache of his balls, long gone by now.

It's odd, standing in front of the mirror, staring at himself. For the last couple of days Josef's been lining Jensen's eyes with kohl and painting his lips with something that makes them shine and gleam in the lamplight, and Jensen touches his finger to his lower lip, then touches lower, eyes following the path his finger takes. Down, over his nipples, then lower, shivering when they harden under the light touch. 

He steps closer and inspects the gold ring at the end of his cock, and the tiny jewel in the center of it, emerald green, to match his eyes, Jared told him. His foreskin is gone, too, taken when they took his manhood. Looking at himself, he scarcely recognizes his body now. He has no body hair anywhere, anymore. Smooth under his arms, under his navel, around his cock. And then he can't put it off any longer, has to see, even though anticipation sits heavy and leaden in his stomach and feels a lot like fear.

Jensen brushes his cock gently with his fingertips, then pushes it aside and sees…nothing. A healing scar, a seam that used to be defined by the bulge of testicles, and now there's nothing. Loose skin and the gleam of gold, incongruous in its placement. His fingers stroke lightly, following the raised scar, feeling the nothingness there. He presses gently, then harder, welcoming the stab of pain that brings so that he does it again.

When Jensen looks up again, glances at his reflection in the mirror his face is wet with tears. He's less than a man, now, and he chose this. He left his home and came here, and asked Jared to allow him to belong to Jared, for his pleasure, and now he's…no longer Jensen.

He just wishes he knew who he is now.

~~~~~

Jared stays away for several weeks, traveling his kingdom for some ceremony or other, Jensen can't remember what Emayo told him. He's not expecting to come back from bathing to find Jared reclining on his bed, lean hips swathed in a length of silk and absolutely nothing else.

"I'm told you're completely healed," Jared says, smiling at Jensen. "I've waited patiently, Jensen."

Jensen nods, mouth gone dry with nerves, with fear, with excitement.

"Then come here, let me see."

Jensen's face flames, but he makes himself step forward, one foot in front of the other until he's standing beside the big bed. He kneels up onto it and shifts down, onto his back, eyes squeezed shut so he doesn't see Jared move, just feels him rearranging himself between Jensen's legs, pushing Jensen's legs wider apart.

"Such a pretty cock," Jared says softly, licking at it. Jensen shivers violently, prickles of heat dotting his skin. "And all flat and pretty back here now for me, too." He strokes Jensen's cock before pushing it aside, and his breath is warm and moist there, just breathing on Jensen's empty skin. Jensen's sure he feels the pull of phantom balls drawing up, reacting to the arousal beginning to move through him. Jared reaches out and draws a finger along the still-raised scar. "Does it still pain you at all?"

It takes a couple of tries, but Jensen manages to whisper, "n-no, my Lord."

Jared presses a kiss to the inside of Jensen's thigh. "Here, in our bed, you may call me 'Jared'." He bites where he just kissed, teeth nipping and nipping again, moving inward.

"Jared--oh, oh--" Jensen shakes, his whole body spasming, when Jared tongues him slowly, working up and down the seam, the scar, laving it, sucking on it, pulling the loose skin into his mouth. He reaches off to the side with one hand; when he brings it back Jensen sees his fingers gleaming.

Oil.

Arousal spikes through Jensen, sudden and unexpected, and he whines low in his throat.

Jared presses two slick fingers to Jensen's hole, mouth still working the smooth, flat skin beneath his cock, tongue flicking out to tease at the gold ring there. 

"Someday, I'm going to bend your gorgeous cock back and hook the rings together. Let you walk around all smooth and flat. If you have to piss, you'll do it sitting down like a girl. We'll sit together and I'll play with you, rubbing and petting until all you want to do is come for me. And after you've spent the day like that, I'll unhook you and suck your cock until you come down my throat."

Jensen moans and works his hips upward then back, not sure if he wants to stop that filthy mouth or encourage it. His movements must encourage Jared, because he goes back to sucking at the healing scar, lapping at it, scoring it very gently with his teeth. Jensen shudders beneath him, hips pumping, pumping, his dick hard and aching, every part of his body throbbing in time with his heartbeat.

He goes rigid when he comes, caught off-guard by the orgasm. Instead of thick, sticky spunk Jensen releases small spurts of clear, thin fluid. Jared licks it up and swallows it down, then nuzzles Jensen while he pants and trembles through the after-shocks and comes down.

"Such a pretty little hole back here, too. I want to fill it, fill you up, Jensen." Jared leans up so he's looking up at Jensen. "You're mine. You came to me, you did this for me, you belong to me." He crawls up Jensen's body and settles over him. "Tell me. I want to hear you say it."

"I came to you. I did--did this for you. I b-belong to you, Jared."

Jared kisses Jensen, mouth brushing teasingly against Jensen's. "I will make you forget everyone you've ever been with, Jensen. You're mine, now. Only mine."

Jensen whimpers and arches up, wanting more kisses, more touches, more everything. He pushes away the shame still burning deep inside him, because shame isn't going to get him through this. He's already given up that which made him _him_ ; belonging to Jared is just the next step in the journey. Or maybe the end of the journey? 

"Please," he says, reaching for Jared. "I want--I want that. Only you. No one else."

Jared growls low in his throat and bites at Jensen's mouth, his jaw, his nipples standing up tight and so pretty, gold glinting against Jensen's body. Each one gets sucked, hard, and Jensen throws his head back and strains upward toward something. He's rewarded for that when Jared's fingers enter him again, sliding in slick and wet, moving just enough to tease and make him chase the sensation.

"Say it," Jared says, voice low and hoarse. "Say it, Jensen."

"Fuck me. Oh, God, fuck me, Jared, please, hard, I need it, need you--" 

He's just taken a breath when Jared's pushing his legs up and positioning, sinking into Jensen in one smooth, steady thrust that makes Jensen tense up and clench around Jared, pulling a groan out of both of them.

"So.fucking.good." Jared's thick and hard, and it hurts--burns hot and sharp and so good. Jensen rolls his hips up to meet each thrust, panting into Jared's mouth. "Sweet, hot little hole clinging to me, pulling me in. Knew you'd feel good like this, been waiting so long for you--"

Jared takes Jensen's mouth in a savage kiss, more teeth than finesse, and the hot coppery taste of blood fills Jensen's mouth when a tooth nicks tender tissue.

"Come on, please, give it to me," Jensen begs, rocking up, shuddering when Jared hits that sweet spot over and over until Jensen's head is spinning.

Jared's thrusts get faster, harder, his rhythm sloppy and irregular as he gets close to release. Jensen tightens himself down, clenching hard around the throbbing length filling him. He can feel Jared swelling further, and then Jared _shoves_ in, holding there with a long, low cry. Jensen feels each pulse of hot liquid as Jared comes inside him.

Afterward, Jensen is wrung out and completely overloaded, and he's grateful in a way he can't express with words when Jared flops over beside him, then curls up around him protectively. There'll be a lot to deal with tomorrow, next week, later. But for now his body and his mind are quiet, at peace, and Jared is warm and solid against him and that's all Jensen needs at the moment.

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Done for a prompt on blindfold_spn. 
> 
> The request was this: _Ever since reading blue-soaring's How Deep Claws Can Sink (http://idlehands.ponderosa121.com/how-deep-claws-can-sink/), I've really wanted to see more castration fic. I don't care whether the pairing involved is J2 or Sam/Dean, which guy it happens to, or precisely what you do with the set up. It could be a condition of slavery, a curse, a punishment for criminals -- as long as there is an attempt at sex after (whether it's successful like in blue-soaring's fic, or not is also up to you)._


End file.
